Therapy Appointment

Today, I was able to spend the day with Macie.  After devoting so much time to potty training Gavin, she needed some time with me.  We hung out at home a bit before grocery shopping.  Then we ate lunch, napped (well she did sitting up..see pic below), and got ready to go to her therapy appointment.  I’ve blogged before about Macie’s obsession with heaven/death/anxiety.  We’ve tried many things and decided it would be best for her to talk to someone. 

We went to her first appointment today.  I prepped Macie for it and told her she was going to a “doctor”.  They would probably ask her some questions and may even talk to her by herself or me by myself.  I could tell she was nervous, but she did pretty well.  We ended up both being in the room at the same time.  Angie asked her some questions and talked to me about why we were there.  Macie started out sitting next to me, but I could tell she started getting anxious because she slowly moved onto my lap and didn’t talk much.  I tried to answer the questions, but was very careful with my wording.  I’ve tried very hard to not make Macie feel like there is something “wrong” with her.  She has had anxieties for a very long time.  I’ve been speaking with her pediatrician since she was 2. 

Angie praised us for many things we’ve been doing.  She said that the reason Macie acts out the way she does is in response to her anxiety.  Even though she is highly verbal, she doesn’t know how to express how freaked out she is inside, so she reacts badly.  I can only imagine how difficult this is for her because she gets in trouble for her behaviors and nothing is really resolved.  Angie also stressed the importance of structure, routine, and schedule for her.  We’ve often been criticized for sticking to our mealtime and bed time routines, but I’ve always known that Macie needed it.  Today, I got that validation.  She has been on pretty much the same basic schedule (meal and bedtimes) since she was 9 months old.  If there are changes, we have to prepare her for them.

During the session, Macie told Angie (thru head nods) that she wasn’t worried about anything happening to us, but that something bad would happen to Gavin.  She is afraid he is going to die.  I almost started crying, but fought back the tears.  She admitted it is hard for her to fall sleep and she is happy that she now shares a room with her brother and sister.  Her belly hurts every day and it is because of her anxiety.

Angie thinks that we are doing pretty well, but is going to give us some resources.  She told us to teach her to use feeling words when upset and focus on breathing.  Yoga is a good thing for her.  She also wants to talk to her one on one.  Macie agreed to do that.  We go back in a month and then probably won’t really need to go often.  She just wants to try to teach Macie some tips and tricks that will help her.

She also suggested possibly taking her to a funeral home.  She said at first we wouldn’t even have to go inside.  We could just sit in the parking lot and explain what it’s for. Then, maybe we could go in an empty room.  She said Macie may be creating this nightmare picture in her head and has no idea what it is really like.  I’m going to talk about Brian about that and see what he thinks.  I do agree that it may be better to just expose her to funeral homes sooner than later, but I don’t want to make our situation worse.

Brian and I are worried about her future.  We know that she is very emotionally needy and has a lot of anxiety.  We know we can’t “cure” this, but if we can help her learn how to deal with it at an early age, she will better be able to handle the ups and downs of life.  We often get frustrated with her and are trying to learn better parenting techniques to help her through this.  Parenting is NOT easy!!

When I see this picture, I just smile.  This is my wild, carefree, full of life girl.  I want to see this more often!